I'm Worried About Someone Else 

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Our Helpline regularly receives calls form friends and family who are supporting a loved one who is experiencing abuse. Sometimes it can be hard knowing where to start. Below are some points to help guide you. 

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Listen

• Try to understand and take care not to blame your friend for what they are experiencing

• Tell them that they are not alone and that many people in the same situation as they are 

 

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Acknowledge

• Recognise the strength it takes to trust someone enough to talk to them about experiencing abuse

• They have taken a huge step by reaching out to you 

• Give them space and time to talk

• Try not to push for more details if they don't want to talk about it 

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Recognise

• Be understanding that they are in a potentially very frightening and very difficult situation

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Challenge behaviour 

• No one deserves to be threatened or beaten, despite what the person being abusive has told them 

• They are not responsible for the other person's actions 

• Nothing they do or say can justify abusive behaviour

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Support

• Be there as their friend

• Encourage them to shared their feelings, whatever they are, the good the bad and the ugly 

• Allow your friend to make their own decisions, this is their life, their choices 

• Let them create their own boundaries of what they thinks is safe and what is not safe

• Don’t push for them to follow any plans or ideas that they don't feel comfortable with

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Avoid using 'must', 'have to' 'need to' 

• Telling your friend that they 'must' leave the relationship if they are not ready to is not helpful to them 

• They have to make this choice themselves 

• You can support them, challenge the abusers behaviour and walk with them through the journey, but ultimately this is their choice 

• It is hard supporting someone through abuse as you want to protect them 

• It is important that if they are ready to leave they plan how to leave safely 

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Ask 

• If you notice a change in behaviour, ask them about this, ask if something has happened recently that they want to talk about 

• If they have been physically hurt, offer to go with them to hospital or to the GP to get checked over 

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Support

• If they want to make a report to the police, support them in doing this. That might mean making the initial call with them or being sat next to them as they make the report 

• If they making steps to go down the legal route, you could go with them to visit a solicitor or help give them some numbers to call for advice on their options 

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Plan 

• Create a safety plan with your friend if they need to leave - see our page here for some ideas 

• Offer the use of your address and/or telephone number to leave information and messages if it is not safe for them to receive these 

• Offer to look after an emergency bag for them if they want to do this, you can keep this safely at your house in case they need to leave quickly 

• You can gather information on organisations that can help support them on this journey

• Get details of their local Domestic Abuse service who can support them 

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You ​​​

• You are important, you can't support your friend well if you aren't first looking after yourself 

• It can take a huge toll on your emotional and mental capacity supporting someone through such a difficult and emotional time 

• Keep yourself safe, don't offer to speak to the abuser or put yourself in an unsafe situation on their behalf 

• Seek support through our Helpline service if you want to speak about what is happening, our service is confidential 

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